Valentine's Day Social Media

I reàlized something today about the difference between my facebooked feed and my husband's. The iPad we share is connected to my husband's accounts, and not that I use it to stalk him, but today this gave me an interesting view into what he sees on social media versus what I see on social media. This morning when I woke up, my facebooked was flooded with wives, fiancées, and girlfriends posting about the surprises they woke up to from their significant others. Me, I woke up to dishes in the sink and laundry everywhere. My husband's gift that I've been talked up for a week sits nicely wrapped on the kitchen table with the sappy love note on top. I made him breakfast(defrosted waffles if that counts) in an attempt to not cry as I selfishly compared myself to the two handfuls of women I had seen on facebook this morning being cherished by their men.
But as I sat down and pondered stewed later on, I decided to look at his facebook and see if it looked similar to mine. Was it filled with roses, chocolate, balloons, cards, and sweet posts from adoring women about their men? No, not at all.
His feed was filled with sports and news outlets mostly. There were a few couples' pictures but nothing like the way my feed looked like. And I then had a few realizations.

1. Women tend to use facebook/social media as a person-person social experience. My friends on facebook consist of mostly married or soon to be married people. Many have kids and have been married for a number of years. The posts I read are typically about so and so getting engaged or married or getting pregnant or finally being potty trained (only to retract that a day later). So on days like Valentine's Day, it is hard not to compare what everyone else has going on for them. The surprise flowers, the card waiting for them on the fridge, the biggest most obnoxious balloon, the breakfast in bed, etc.

2. Men use Facebook for...still trying to figure this out. Help me out if you know the answer. My husband doesn't use Facebook all that often, I think mostly to see trending news stories (he's a reporter after all), sports highlights, and hilarious or crazy videos. I don't think he really uses it much for keeping up with people and certainly doesn't use it for comparisons. So he won't see the slew of valentines posts and women gushing about their significant others and wonder why there isn't one about him yet, or realize he should put up some effort if he wanted to see himself tagged in a post on my wall.

3. What's the point? Why do we share this stuff if our husband's or boyfriends aren't racing to Facebook to compare what they got for us to what their buddies got for their girls? Do we need to validate to each other that we were someone's valentine this year, especially those of us who are married? Would that friend from high school you haven't spoken to in 6 years actually wonder if your man did anything for you if there wasn't a post on social media about it? Are we potentially making those who feel uninvited to the "I'm claimed party" feel like Valentines is even more of a horrible day to be single? Would your spouse be hurt if you didn't publically thank them for their gift or loving act of service on a social media platform? Some would, possibly mine included. So I think this one is different for all of us, but something many of us need to consider about the hold on our lives as presented by social media, or the need for documenting and posting all the highlights of our life.

4. Is it worth it? Before I got on social media this morning, I was fine with how the day was going to go. I've learned to have little to no expectations, so if something great happens, it is even more wonderful than expected. If nothing happens, there isn't a huge emotion filled, dramatic situation and I can easily piece together what I wish would happen next time and effectively communicate that. Communication is really hard, especially on the forefront of something. And how romantic is it to tell your husband precisely that you want him to make you scrambled eggs with toast and strawberry jelly and orange juice and you want it at 7:30 in bed, you want roses and a card on the table positioned in view when you walk into the kitchen, and to be taken to a steakhouse for dinner with a 7:30 reservation? You've taken all the surprise out of it and essentially should be taking him out for the date. It may not go exactly how you thought it should, but that's what next year and the next and the next and the next and so on is for.

I'm not perfect on this one, but working hard to be perfected in it. My mom reminded me today that we don't do things for our spouses for a response, we do them because we love them and that should be the focus. You may feel like you are working your tail off at loving your spouse and just not getting anything in return. You bought a gift and doted on him or her, but just don't feel seen, appreciated, or cherished in return. I know the sting of that and I'm sorry for the weight that carries. But I'm here to encourage you to pray for God to fill that void. He loves you and knows you more than anyone here on earth ever could. Even more than you yourself ever could. He has known you by name from before you were conceived and will know you past the end of time. In His love you are always loved, cherished, cared for, appreciated, valued, and precious.